


All's Fair In Love And War

by Ohnonnynonny



Series: Being Productive By Way Of Not Being Productive [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Get Together, Idiots, M/M, Modern AU, Pranks, Profanity, oblivious boys, spy AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-28 23:45:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6350440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohnonnynonny/pseuds/Ohnonnynonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spy School.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All's Fair In Love And War

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wanted to write a small thing where the roles of best mates were reversed. Thus this was born. I don't even know where the story idea came from. Everything is made up and fake. It's late. Not beta'd in anyway. All mistakes are my own. 
> 
> This story is authorized for AO3 only. It is not to be copied or used elsewhere without my explicit written permission.
> 
> I don't own the characters to Merlin(TV) and am not profiting from this work. Enjoy!

Day 1.

“This would happen to me. Day one of spy school and I’ve already gotten a target on my back because of Arthur fucking Pendragon. I mean who does he think he is? The King?” Vented an exasperated Merlin. 

“No, Merlin, he’s only just the Director’s son. Honestly, the trouble you get into,” said Leon, shaking his head. 

“Well, you weren’t there to stop me as usual,” said Merlin with a small pout. 

“I’m sorry, I was busy cleaning _our_ room so that it would pass inspection,” Leon deadpanned. 

“I forgive you. Besides, I wouldn’t want you to miss it when I completely humiliate him in front of his poncy friends,” said Merlin with a maniacal gleam in this eyes. 

“Oh gods, what have you done?” Asked a partially worried Leon. 

*

“Can you believe that idiot tried to challenge me? Me! What a fucking idiot. You should have seen him. Only a simpleton wouldn’t know who I am. Will? Will! Are you even listening to me?” Huffed an irritated Arthur. 

“Fucking yes. I’ve been listening for the past fucking half hour, you twat. I get it. Big ears. Simpleton. Need to crush with your caveman hands. Fuck, can I finally get some sleep?” Said an exasperated Will. 

“You’ve been asleep all day, you lazy git. We didn’t even have to go through inspection today because they were only checking the peasant quarters,” said Arthur a bit incredulously. 

“I swear if we didn’t grow up together, I’d have bashed your head in about a thousand times by now,” said Will into his pillow. 

“If I had a pound for every time you said that-”

“Ah, shut it, you’ve got enough money as it is, you ponce!” said Will, throwing his pillow at Arthur. 

“Whatever. I’m going to get some food-”

“I’m ready, let’s go. Fucking starving, mate,” said Will, instantly up and ready to go, not even looking like he had been asleep half a second ago. 

“Wonders will never cease,” said Arthur with a chuckle.   
  


Day 5.

“The week is barely through and you’ve gotten yourself Saturday detention for the next two months!?” said Leon pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Well, it wasn’t all my fault. Not completely. And besides, this tarnishes Pendragon’s squeaky clean record so it was worth it,” said Merlin with a shrug. 

“I still can’t believe you managed to turn all of his training kits pink,” Leon said with a chuckle. 

“Well, it turns out that Gwen made fast friends with Pendragon’s half sister Morgana. I think I’ve found a kindred spirit in her. We both live to torment the lesser half of that name,” said Merlin with a fond look to his face. 

“Morgana? When was this? Where was I?” Asked Leon with a small frown. 

“Don’t worry. I got you fam. I’m, or shall I say  _ we _ are seeing both Gwen and Morgana for dinner. We have some planning to do to get back at Arthur for what he did to my poor ears,” said Merlin, pointing to his head. 

“Well, it was kind of too easy, Merlin. You wear your beanie all the time even when you’re not supposed to. That and you always just leave it lying around. I have to give it to him though. Strategically placing the dye in the hat so that it would only dye your ears blue, and not your face? He must really pay attention to how you wear that thing,” said Leon, giving Merlin a look. 

Merlin was too busy already scheming by himself that he missed Leon’s meaning altogether. 

*

“This bloke messes with your record and all you do is get even with little pranks and not get him kicked out? Either you’re growing as a person because of my amazing influence, or you like him,” said Will. 

“Oh, shut up, Will. You know I’m above going to my father. I can fight my own battles. Your idea about the beanie was genius by the way,” said a laughing Arthur. 

“I didn’t think that was possible. I half expected to see a band of blue all around his head. How you managed to get only those ears. I admit that was impressive,” said Will magnanimously. 

“Know your enemies,” Arthur said, tapping the side of his head. 

“Still, it was more impressive of him that he actually managed to stick the ‘kick me, I’m a fucking prat’ on your back without you noticing for two hours,” laughed Will, “that’s a throwback to the classics!”

“Who’s side are you on, traitor!” Arthur said with a slight pout. 

“Whatever. Let’s go get some food. I’m meeting this girl, Freya, who used to date Merlin. Maybe she can help you plan out your next move,” said Will with a shrug. 

“Yes! More recon! I find it hard to believe that Merlin dated anyone at all,” Arthur said with a disbelieving face. 

“Whatever. She’s cute and I’m hungry. Whether you let her help you pull his metaphorical pig tails or not is up to you,” said Will as he got up with a huff and walked towards the door. 

“Maybe- wait, what?! That’s not what I’m doing!” Yelled Arthur as we chased after Will. 

 

Day 14.

“You know that our whole year is calling you both the power couple not to mess with?” Said Gwen with an eyebrow raise. 

Merlin spit out his tea. 

“What a waste,” said Leon with a shake of his head. 

“POWER COUPLE!? What? But why? How??” Asked Merlin. 

“Well, half the time, you guys are pranking each other. The other half, you both are 'pranking' other people who say bad things about your bae,” said Elena. 

“That’s not true!” Said Merlin, wiping some tea off his jeans. 

“Did you or did you not hide a nest of snakes in Valiant’s bed because he called Arthur a privileged demon child?” Said Lance with an eyebrow raise. 

“That was a dare!” Countered Merlin. 

“What about when you mysteriously made Myror smell like rotten fish for an entire week because he threatened to break Arthur’s legs for fun,” said Gwen. 

“I-but-”

“And did he or did he not give Agravaine a black eye for calling you a dirty, unwashed peasant?” Said Elena. 

“I heard he tripped-”

“Oh! And what about the time Arthur feather bombed Cedric for calling you a big-eared waste of space,” said Elena, on a roll. 

“I’ve stopped helping you long ago, Merlin, and it’s not because I don’t want to help. Somehow you’ve just gotten to know Arthur a lot better than I have when it comes to pushing his buttons,” said Morgana, concentrating on beating Leon at chess. “But power couple? Please, that’s a wasted name on you idiots. That title should belong to me and Leon.”

“Wh-what?” Said Leon with a blush, flubbing his next chess move.  

“Check mate,” said Morgana with a huge smirk. 

*

“Shut up. I do  _ not _ like him, Will,” huffed Arthur. 

“Sure, that’s why you managed to get yourself and him out of Saturday detentions, and instead have clean up duty on the training grounds every Saturday for the rest of the semester,” retorted Will. 

“Saturday picnics picking up trash together? How lovely,” teased Mithian. 

“Not you too,” groaned Arthur, “I would’ve done it regardless. This looks better on my record than Saturday detentions.”

“Yes, but if it was anyone else, you’d have just saved yourself. Because this is Merlin we’re talking about, you got him out of it too,” laughed Elyan. 

“He’s too skinny. I’m helping him keep fit,” bullshitted Arthur. 

“Yes, because Spy school won’t help him keep fit, but frolicking around picking up rubbish with you every Saturday will,” Freya deadpanned. 

Arthur was speechless. 

“That’s my woman,” Will said with a fond look at Freya. 

“I hate you all,” said Arthur as he stood up and walked off, most importantly to hide the blush that was covering his face.   
  


Day 21.

“We have a recreational football team?” Asked a perplexed Merlin. 

“Yes, Merlin. The Knights of Camelot. We even have a fucking mascot. For the hundredth time. I told you we were all trying out for the team,” said an exasperated Leon. 

“Define we and all,” said Merlin looking a bit horrified. 

“Relax. Try outs were last week. I wouldn’t subject you through the torture. Nor me for that matter. I don’t know how someone as clumsy as you can be so graceful when you’re in your element,” said Leon, shaking his head.

“Oh, so who’s on the team?” Asked Merlin. 

“Me, Lance, Elyan, Percival, Gwaine, Owaine, Pellinore, Galahad, Bedievere, Kay, and Arthur,” said Leon, counting on his fingers. 

“Sounds like a pretty solid team, you know, except for Arthur,” said Merlin. 

“Are you still on about that?” Leon said rolling his eyes. 

“When have I stopped? This week, I have the perfect plan that will make him look like the stupid arse he is in front of Professor Gaius,” smirked Merlin. 

“You do know that Arthur really isn’t that bad, right?” Asked Leon. 

“What? How would you know?” Asked Merlin, whirling his desk chair to face Leon. 

“We have footie and Advanced Strategy and Tactics together. He’s actually a brilliant strategist,” said Leon with a look of awe in his eyes. 

“Who’s best mate are you?” Merlin said with a pout as he turned back to his desk to deface a picture of Arthur he printed out. 

*

“And how would you know anything about him, Will?” Asked Arthur, collecting the darts from the printed picture of Merlin on the other side of the room. 

“We’ve got Hacking Hackers and Advanced Coding together. Your boy s’a genius, and on top of that, he’s pretty fucking hilarious! He actually made the Ole’ Dragon  speechless during class once,” said Will with a look of respect.

“Hey! Who’s side are you on?” Grouched Arthur.

“For fuck’s sake. You’re throwing magnetic darts at a picture of his face. MAG-NE-TIC! When the real dart board with the real pointy darts and ninja stars is just a couple feet away. You don’t even want to properly damage a picture of the bloke!” Said Will with both hands in the air and one of the most severe eye rolls Arthur had ever seen. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” said Arthur, badly feigning innocence. 

“Look, if you don’t make a move, I know about a handful of people who are going to have a go at him next week. Time’s ticking, mate! I’m going to go get dinner with Freya,” said Will as he grabbed his jacket to leave. 

“Wh-what? Who!?” Demanded Arthur, but his question was left unanswered as Will had already left.    
  


Day 47.

*very specific knocking*

“Is that you?” Whispered Merlin. 

“Of-fucking-course it’s me, _ Mer _ lin. Now open the bloody door,” hissed Arthur. 

“You’re early. Why are you early?” Asked Merlin. 

“So what, you’re early too,” said Arthur with a shrug. 

“Yes, well, I work here, so that doesn’t count,” said Merlin. 

“So, you know that everyone thinks we’re secretly shagging, right?” Whispered Arthur with a furious blush. 

“Are you telling me that since people already think that, we should just come clean and confess that we  _ have _ actually been secretly shagging?” Asked an amused Merlin. 

“Well, yes. I’m kind of tired of sacrificing my nice things to your stupid pranks and I’ve got so much to do already besides having to think of something to get you back with,” said Arthur. Then he mumbled something that Merlin couldn’t hear. 

“What was that?” Merlin asked with a cute, little frown. 

With a sigh, Arthur said, “And it’d be nice not to have to meet secretly in odd places. Like in this stupid, little supply closet in this tiny cafe.”

“Why Arthur Pendragon, is this your way of asking me to go steady?” teased Merlin with a wide, brilliant grin on his face. 

Arthur wanted to back out and make fun of him instead, but he could never refuse Merlin when he smiled like that. 

“Yes,” said Arthur. 

“I FUCKING KNEW IT!” Came a voice from the ceiling. 

“What the fuck!?” Said Arthur and Merlin in unison, both looking around for the source of the voice. 

“Just get out of the closet. Literally boys, and you’ll understand,” said a different voice. 

Arthur and Merlin looked at each other a little uneasily. 

“Together?” Asked Arthur, extending a hand. 

“Together,” said Merlin with a small smile, putting his hand in Arthur’s.

“Fucking get on with it, I’m going to be sick,” said yet another voice as the pair were leaving the room. 

“Hang on, I know that voi-”

“Holy shit, what are all our friends doing in the cafe? Why are all of you guys here? Where is my boss? I’m going to get fired aren’t I?” Asked Merlin. 

“Morgana paid your boss to go take a twenty minute walk, and Owaine and Pellinore are guarding the doors outside so that no one else will come in,” said Leon. 

“But what’s going on?” Asked Arthur. 

“We’re here to celebrate the end of your ridiculous hair-pulling and secrecy, Arthur,” said Morgana. 

“All of us made sure we were ready for this moment when it came,” said Elena as she nodded happily. 

“Are you saying that you lot were ready at a moment’s notice to drop everything and surprise us like this when we made it official?” Asked an incredulous Merlin. 

“Basically,” said Percy with a grin. 

“Don’t you have better things to do?” Scowled Arthur. 

“Nope,” said Gwaine with a devilish grin. 

“Bu-but, how did you guys know? When did you figure it out?” Asked Merlin. 

“Oh, Merlin, you do know we go to _Spy_ School, yes?” Said Gwen with a fond chuckle. 

“Basically, we all knew from the start. You guys actually aren’t very subtle,” said Lance with an apologetic glance at Merlin. 

“On that note, the two of you need to tell us specific dates. We have a betting pool going on that needs to be settled,” said Mithian.  

“Arthur, we need better friends,” said Merlin with a groan. 

At that moment, Will burst through the door with a box of what looked like custom shirts. 

Before Merlin could see, Arthur twirled him around and said, “you’re fucking right, we need new friends.” Then already having Merlin’s hand in his, he pulled him along and high-tailed it out of there. 

“Fucking wanker didn’t even let me say the speech that I prepared,” huffed Will. 

“Is that a photo-shopped picture of Merlin and Arthur?” Asked Galahad. 

“No, mate, you missed that week. It was when Arthur strategically died Merlin’s ears blue and then in retaliation, Merlin put food coloring in Arthur’s tea to give him black teeth,” laughed Kay.   

“But wasn’t that when they were still really fighting?” Asked Elena. 

“Technically yes, but Arthur was gone after that first day really, the ponce. I took this picture myself, and kept it a secret until this very day," said Will with a proud look on his face.

“I’ve never seen Arthur looking that fond about anything,” said Morgana with a soft look to her face. 

“He's not the only one. Don’t let the picture fool you, that there is a blush on Merlin’s face,” Leon pointed out, “Merlin was pretty much gone too.”

Leon and Will both shared a look before laughing. 

“Idiots,” said everybody. 

  
  
The end. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is a stand alone, but if I want to write more in this world, I may.


End file.
